where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm too high and old for this...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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