i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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