I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
