So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
