mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
