If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
