I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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