apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
