Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
