Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
this is an emotional support booty call
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
