i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
