I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
