hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
