just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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