We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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