but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
