did you get engaged???
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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