When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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