so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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