if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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