Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How external is "for external use only"?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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