Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
