ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
