i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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