did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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