He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
tell me about the fingering
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