Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
