i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
