yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
