You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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