Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
