It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
