I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
