I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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