Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
