He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
