i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
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