u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
