im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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