just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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