Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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