this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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