Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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