My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
