so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
