Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
