Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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