Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
