I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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