Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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