your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
