Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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