Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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