my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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