at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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