I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
