WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
