nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
