Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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