ya dads aren't the best wingmen
how can u be prego again
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
