I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
