TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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