Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
