i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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