My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
