You work out of a Hotel?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
