I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
