I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
