shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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