Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
