Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
