I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Your cock deserves a montage
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
