just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
