yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize