we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
