I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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