I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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