I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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