So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
